You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
