I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
