1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
