I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
