We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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