i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
