HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
