I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
