Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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