If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
