Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
