oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
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I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
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That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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