Kiss
Puke
he puts the penis in happiness.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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