I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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