I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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