the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
porn star boner night. come get it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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