Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
