I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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