Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
