So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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