i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i think my cat just said my name.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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