it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
