your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
