I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
