I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
