I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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