dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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