Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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