Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
