Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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