Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
