im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
