oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
