seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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