Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This is the high leading the old right now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What drink are we having for lunch?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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