The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
