Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
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just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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