Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize