the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize