im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
