it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
