I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
