Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
