I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
