hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
