so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
