i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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