The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
