I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
