So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
