This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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