Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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