bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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