She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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