My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
