Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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