Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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