Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
