We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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