So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize