imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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