just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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