I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
