He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
