Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
