sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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