I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
