He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
