i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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