Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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