She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i came on her dog
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
