Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
