He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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