That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
