Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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