Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
