I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
