Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
