This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize